


These Moments

by Queer_Trash_Queen



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: But whatever, Fluff, Gay, Love, M/M, Nudity, Strippers, Tepmorarily Unrequited Love, Unrequited Love, artist!zayn, bartender!liam, brief nudity, but he's really gayer than a unicorn puking rainbows, idek how to tag stuff, liam thinks he's straight, non- sexual nudity, one direction - Freeform, relationship, stripper!Louis, stripper!Zayn, stripper!niall, stripper/bartender! Harry, teacher!Louis, unrequited larry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-01
Updated: 2013-04-01
Packaged: 2017-12-04 05:28:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 9,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/707080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queer_Trash_Queen/pseuds/Queer_Trash_Queen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Or, the story of how Liam and Zayn fell in love, told in moments.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Ziam's first *official* meeting

**Author's Note:**

> This story will be told in one shots, probably not in chronological order. There will be fluff and angst and everything in between.

Zayn

Before Liam, my life was a mess. I was working an early morning shift at a Tesco, afternoon shifts in a coffee house, evening shifts in a Value Mart, and midnight shifts as an "exotic dance" (read: stripper) in a shady club downtown. My life was all work, all the time. I was seventeen and living alone, paying for rent, water, electricity, heating, food and clothing for myself, and gas for my car on the occasions that it actually started. My roommate of eight months/ rent and utilities helper had just upped and left me. No warning, just packed and went one day. I came home between my shifts at the coffee house and Value Mart to find all of his things gone. I was used to it - being left – by then, but it still hurt. I mentally scolded myself for letting this happen again, then changed and went back to work without eating anything.

At this point, I wasn’t working at the club yet. I didn’t need to, because my now ex roommate and I had been sharing rent. About two weeks after he left, I was starting to remember what it was like to live alone and pay for everything yourself. It sucked. The fridge was empty except for some spoiled milk and two lonely eggs. The water and electricity were in danger of being shut off because I was behind on payments, and rent was due soon. One night, I took a shortcut home through one of the worse parts of town. A neon flyer caught my eye, and I stopped to examine it. (I have a bad habit of getting distracted.) It was a help wanted sign, and the possible answer to my prayers. I went inside the questionable looking bar/ club, intending to apply as a bartender or busboy, and was hired as a dancer (code for stripper.)

 

To this day, I’m not sure how Dolly ( the club owner and manager of the "exotic dancers") got me to agree. She talked really quickly, and there were flashing lights (distracted easily, remember?), and all I really heard was the amount I would make per night, plus tips. In my seventeen year old mind, this was the perfect solution to my money problems. Who cares that you’re selling the sight of your half naked body for the pleasure of creepy middle aged men? Or that you’re the most self conscious person in the world? Yeah, seventeen year old me did NOT think things through. Thankfully things turned out mostly right because of my dumb decision.

My first night working at the club, which I had learned was called Dolly’s, I had to come in two hours early, to learn my new routine. I gained respect for strippers that night. It takes an incredible amount of strength to pull yourself around on a pole, and to do it wearing extremely tight and revealing clothing? I thought I was going to die! Eventually, I got the hang of some basic moves, enough to get me through a set. The other dancers, or "Dollies" as they were nicknamed, did my makeup - weird for a guy, even a gay one, but you gotta do what you gotta do - handed me a few scraps of cloth which made up my costume, and did my hair. I was the youngest, and therefore the baby of the group. The Dollies fussed over me until it was time for me to go onstage. 

I almost didn’t go out. My nerves had finally caught up with me, and it felt like my stomach was full of butterflies on speed, but Louis, one of the other Dollies, pushed me out onto the stage. After I regained my footing, I began my career as a stripper. I don’t really remember my first performance, or any of the others after that. I sort of blocked them all from my memory, but what I do remember is very vague and blurred. I remember the DJ introducing me as "Baby Z" and then the next thing I can recall is me gathering the money from the floor that had fallen from my "costume".

That night I drank for the first time, to calm my nerves, as suggested by another Dolly. One of the men who had seen me dance paid for my drinks, probably in the hopes that I would sleep with him. I drank far more than a first timer ever should, but I wasn’t nervous anymore. In fact, I hardly felt self conscious any more, standing at the bar in what was essentially my birthday suit. I finally stumbled my way home around two thirty, and promptly passed out on my couch.

When I woke the next morning, I was terribly hung-over, and had missed half of my shift at the Tesco. I phoned in sick, and counted the money from the previous night. I had made more than enough to catch up on the utilities with tips alone. Adding the money in from my new job, I would actually have extra spending money this week. I went to work early again the second night, before the place opened up. I wanted to get some extra practice in, get a feel for the place, meet some of my coworkers. I made quick friends with the other male Dollies, Niall and Louis, and the bartender, Harry. Niall was from Ireland, just doing it for a laugh, and some extra pocket money, and Harry hoped to one day bartend for big clubs in the posh parts of the city. Louis was an art professor at the nearby Uni, working three job to pay off his student loans. Their stage names were "Horny Horan" and "Tommo The Tease" -coming from their respective last names. I told them that I was trying to save up enough money to go to a good art school, or at least enough to move out of my closet of an apartment. After that, we became fast friends, spending most of our free time together. I discovered not long after starting at Dolly's that no one really wants to associate with you when you're a stripper, and that often coworkers in our line of work become like a family to each other, albeit a dysfunctional one. 

~•~

About a month after I started working at Dolly's, Louis offered to let me take a class of his, just to let me get a feel of what uni classes were like. I readily agreed, eager to begin my schooling so that I could get a proper job. Little did I know, it was a drawing class- one of the ones with the models...the naked models. And that is how I met Liam Payne for the first time. I remember sitting in the back of the class, quietly observing the students, wondering why so many middle aged women were present, and why they were all tittering excitedly behind their easels at the front of the room. 

When the devastatingly handsome model stepped out from behind the screen set up to one side, I began to understand. I watched curiously as he exchanged a few words with Louis, blushing all the while. When he stepped onto the raised circular platform and dropped the robe he was wearing, I wanted to join the women in drooling all over themselves. Instead, I focused my gaze on the sketch pad in my lap and began to outline his basic features in charcoal. I worked in silence for the allotted hour and a half, diligently smudging lines and shading to get things just so. Unlike the others in the class, my piece didn't focus entirely around our muse's nudity. Instead, I focused it on the raw emotions that come with baring yourself to people so completely. I left his face blank, save for the blush that lingered on his skin the whole time, and left the more...intimate parts of his body as a white blank space. And maybe I spent fifteen minutes getting the muscles on his abdomen just right, but one can only abstain from physical attraction so much. When the class was over, I'd watched the model quickly snatch the robe up off the floor and duck behind the screen to change into his clothes. I stayed behind for a few minutes, stalling for time while I slowly cleaned up my workspace. In the end, I gave up waiting for him to reemerge and left with Louis for our nightly pre - work dinner with Niall and Harry . I never dreamed that I'd see the gorgeous model again. How wrong I was.  
~•~

I’d been working at Dolly’s for a few months by now, and still liked to come in early and hang about. One night when I came in, I saw an unfamiliar face behind the bar. At second glance, though, unthought I recognized him from somewhere. When he turned to me, glass in hand, and asked me if I needed anything as a blush spread across his face, I recognized him. He was the model from Louis's art class! I said, no, I didn't need anything, that I worked there, and introduces myself. I learned that his name was Liam and he was filling in for a friend (Harry). I asked him how he knew Harry, and he replied that they had grown up together. 

This became a routine for us, even after Harry returned and Liam was hired as a second bar tender,  
Every night, we would chat as I helped wipe down the bar before opening, and after closing as he cleaned the night’s glasses. I usually helped him with this task, feeling bad that he had to wash them all by himself. Dolly was very particular about the way things were run, from the number of Dollies employed at once, to the way the drinking glasses were cleaned. If just one thing was out of place, she would know, and then you were a goner.

Mostly we chatted about our plans for the future. He was a normal Uni student during the day, and he wanted to go into sound engineering. Once, when I asked him about the various bruises he always seemed to have, he told me he boxed. I'd asked him how he'd gotten into that, he told me how he was picked on as a kid for being scrawny. I laughed at that, because he certainly wasn't scrawny any more. Whenever he asked me about my plans, I'd shrug and say that I didn't have any, though i really wanted to got to art school.I was afraid he'd laugh at that, at my dreams. I was a seventeen year old alone in London, with a highschool degree but no money to pay for Uni, after all. 

~•~

One particularly slow night, I was sitting at the bar, watching Liam make drinks and waiting for my turn on the stage, we got to the topic of how we ended up at Dolly’s. Liam’s story was a lot less complicated then mine. Harry called in a favor, and he covered for him one night. One night became two, and then three, and then a week, even when Harry came back. Soon enough, Dolly had hired him on full time as a second bar tender. Me, on the other hand… I was reluctant to share my long and complicated story with anyone. Just as I began to hem and haw and try to change the subject, Coco, one of the Dollies who went on before me came and told me that Dolly was looking for me.

I left Liam at the bar to go search for Dolly. I found her backstage in the dressing room all of the Dollies shared. She looked nervous, biting her lip and wringing her hands. "Dolly? Coco said you were looking for me…is everything allright?" she gave me a look of pity that I had come to associate with being kicked to the curb. "Z, honey, I’m sorry, but this will be your last performance tonight." I panicked. This job was the reason I had been able to have running water and air conditioning these past few months. Clean clothes had become an everyday thing instead of a luxury. For the first time in my life, I was…well, not living the high life by any means, but certainly getting by without struggle. I needed this job "But I – I… Dolly, I really really need this job," I begged. "Sorry hun, but they’re cracking down on places like this that have under eighteens working for ‘em. I know you say you’re eighteen, but you don’t look it. I can’t afford to lose the whole place because of one dancer, no matter how good they are, or how badly he needs the job. If it’s any consolation, I’ll still pay you for the whole month. And I’ll refer you to one of my girlfriends, I’m sure one of them could get you a job." With that she turned and left me standing there. I performed in even more of a drunken daze than usual that night, and when I was done, the DJ signed me off with a farewell and good luck.

I changed backstage and went to sit at the bar and wait for closing with Liam. He noticed that something was off right away. "Something wrong, Z?" The name I had been going by the last few months suddenly bothered me. "It’s Zayn , actually. ‘Baby Z' has been forced into retirement." Liam looked shocked. "But you’re a crowd favorite! How could Dolly just fire you?" I recounted Dolly’s explanation about police cracking down on underaged workers, and Liam patiently listened "Well, then I’m screwed too." I cocked my head to the side. "I'm turning eighteen in two months." I’d always thought he was proper drinking age, but I guess I over estimated. "Well, we can be out of a job together, then." He smiled at me, and I felt the presence of the butterflies on speed that hadn’t made an appearance since my first night here. I frowned a little at the way my stomach seemed to flip when Liam looked at me. I’d learned my lesson the last time, and this time I was done with men for good.

We closed up together as usual, and sure enough, Dolly gave Liam a little speech similar to mine. The rest of the Dollies had apparently overheard me getting fired and spread the word, because as soon as Dolly left for the night, they all gathered around me. We had all grown quite close, surprisingly, and I was genuinely upset to be leaving them. They weren’t shallow and selfish and bitchy, like strippers are on TV, they were real people trying to make a living. They all cried, promised to stay in touch, with the exception of Louis and Niall, who laughed and said I couldn't get rid of lthem that easily. Liam watched, looking rather amused, and poured drinks when needed. Eventually all of the Dollies had gone home, leaving just Liam and I. 

We washed the dishes in silence, an unusual thing for us. On a good day, you couldn’t pay either of us to keep our traps shut. That night felt different, most likely because we knew it was our last. Liam broke the silence first. "Do you want to go and get a coffee or something after this?" I snorted- one of my many super attractive qualities. 

"It’s like three in the morning," I pointed out.

"So? Were you really going to go home and sleep for two hours before getting up and walking half an hour to Tesco?" I bit my lip as I considered. 

"No… well, then I guess coffee sounds great." 

"Great."

We finished the dishes and locked up before starting our walk in search of an open coffee house. The closest thing we found was a seedy looking all night cafe, but neither of us were picky. When you’re poor, it isn’t about taste; it’s about caffeine and sugar. The cafe's coffee had both of those things, and so we settled in to a booth with our cups of caffeine, ignoring the dirty looks we were getting from the people working there. 

We talked a bit about casual things, and then he brought up the subject we had been discussing earlier. "So…you never did tell me how you ended up at Dolly’s. I shared my unexciting tale, now it’s your turn." I swallowed the mouthful of coffee I had just sipped, even though it burned my throat, just to delay dumping my sad story all over one of the few friends I had.

After I had finished recounting the last few months of my sorry life, we chatted about what we were going to do now that we no longer had Dolly's. "I, for one, plan to get a full night's sleep for once. What about you?" He had looked at me expectantly, waiting for me to respond. "I... I honestly have no idea. I have to start looking for another job, I guess. I'll have to get used to barely scraping by again, and hoping I can make rent and utilities every month. Maybe I can get hired another strip club, bring 'Baby Z' back. Or maybe this time I could be 'Asian Persuasion'." I laughed bitterly. "How did it come to this? Working as an "exotic dancer" to get by... I always swore I'd never sink that low..." I remarked, more to myself than Liam. He leaned foward suddenly, looking like he'd just had a brilliant idea.

"Move in with me," he suddenly said.

"What?!" I choked on the sip of coffee I'd just taken. I coughed until I could breathe clearly, then turned back to him. "Did you just ask me to move in with you?" I spluttered. He nodded, and I shook my head. "No, no. I won't let this happen again." I got up to leave, but Liam caught the sleeve of my jacket and pulled me back. "I can't let this happen to me again," I muttered. 

"Let what happen?" He asked.  
"This," I gestured between us. "It always ends the same. Everything is great, for a while, and then I get dumped on my ass and left to fend for myself." He looked at me strangely. 

"I would never do that, and besides, it's not like we're a couple, I just thought it'd be easier if you had someone to help you out with rent and utilities and such. You're seventeen, you shouldn't have to work four jobs to have running water. And I don't think you should have to sell your body to put a roof over your head." I considered his offer, and then said the words that would change my future, for better or worse I didn't know, but I was going to take a chance.

"Fine, I'll move in with you."

And so it began.


	2. Mamihlapinatapai

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the drawing class mentioned in the first chapter, but from Liam's point of view.
> 
>  
> 
> Also, the title of this chapter comes from a dead language and has THE cutest definition EVER!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trying to actually follow chronologic order is hard. My timeline is probably all wibbly wobbly to you guys, but it all makes sense to me, so blah. If you have any questions let me know.

Liam's dreading this. He desperately needs the extra cash, but can he really stand in front of a classroom full of people who want nothing more than to pick him apart piece by piece, analyze him,and then put him - and all his flaws - on paper? 

Maybe it won't be so bad, he rationalizes. He keeps repeating that over and over in his head like a mantra as he strips out of his clothes and pulls on the robe the teacher had provided for him. He stalls as long as he can behind the screen, then slowly steps out from behind it. His eyes sweep across the room, which is mostly full of middle aged women with hungry eyes. There are one or two college aged girls, scrutinizing him with an artist's eye, and there, in the furthest corner of class, is a boy about his age who can barely meet his eyes. The instructor - a friend of Harry's cousin's classmate - helps him up onto the small circular platform in the front of the room. Liam shifts nervously on his feet a few times before he reluctantly unties the robe and lets it drop to the floor. 

His cheeks flame red, he's sure, and the teacher - Lewis? - smiles encouragingly, pointedly keeping his eyes trained above Liam's waist. He directs Liam into the first pose, then turns to the class. There's a loud rustling as the class flips through the pages of the enormous sketchbooks resting on the easels, looking for blank sheets. 

"The goal of this exercise is for you all to become comfortable with the human body in its rawest form. There will be five poses, each lasting fifteen minutes. During this time I want you to try and capture what you think our model is feeling, his facial expressions and body language, not just his physical features. Ready? Begin." 

The middle aged women in the class nod eagerly, whilst the genuine artists barely acknowledge that anything has been said. Almost in unison, they lift their charcoal and look back up at Liam with scrutinizing eyes. Time seems to stretch on forever and just as Liam starts to wonder how long ten minutes can really be, Louis (that's his name, Louis!) calls out. 

"Time!" Liam lets his body relax, as Louis guides Liam into the next pose. "Annd go!"

Just as before, Liam is not quite sure where to rest his eyes. He finally settles on a spot above the head of the only male in the class, the one who has yet to actually make eye contact with him. As the minutes tick away, Liam finds his eyes drifting to the other boy's face. He can't be more than eighteen, but he has this seriousness about him that makes him appear more mature than the other college aged students in the room. Liam blushes and averts his gaze when the boy looks up at him, and he realizes he's actually quite pretty. 

Liam's never thought that about another male before, but somehow that's the only way he can think of describing him. He's got this exotic look about him, with his scruffy dark hair and caramel eyes. Liam glances back to make sure the boy is looking down again, then allows himself to look a little longer. He can't help but notice the intense look in his eyes, and the way he bites his lip as his capable looking fingers manipulate the piece of charcoal around the paper. 

Liam stops his own train of thought and tears his eyes from the captivatingly pretty boy and - 'No, Liam, he isn't pretty. Boys aren't pretty. You aren't attracted to males. You don't want him. You are not gay!" 

This time louis disrupts his thoughts by calling time on the pose. He gives only instruction on the next pose "Something athletic, but not overly macho, don't just flex your arms." Liam shifts around a bit before settling into position and the next fifteen never ending minutes start.

This time, he keeps his line of sight on the complete opposite side of the room that the boy is sitting on. There's a plump woman in her forties staring at him like she's going to devour him, but Liam pretends he doesn't notice. 

The last two poses don't seem to drag on quite as long as the others, and while he's still not completely comfortable with being naked, at least his blush has faded. At last Louis calls the session, and Liam gratefully shrugs on the robe. He steps down off the platform and ducks back behind the screen to redress himself. 

By the time he reemerges from getting dressed the classroom is empty save for the teacher. Louis grins at him and shakes his hand before handing over the cheque with Liam's name on it.

"Wasn't so bad, mate, was it? There are worse ways to earn a few quid naked, if you know what I mean." Louis jokes. Liam gives him a begrudging nod and a smile. "Besides, I saw you ogling that kid in the corner. He's quite fit, but not really my type, if you catch my drift."

Liam's cheeks stain scarlet. "What? No, I didn't, I wasn't...I don't fancy blokes!" He yelps. 

Louis just raises a brow, but shrugs it off. "Alright then, but I have his number if you'd like it?"

'YES PLEASE!' Liam wants to shout. 

"No, thanks." Is what he says. 

He and Louis chat for a bit more before excusing themselves and going their separate ways. 

So what if all Liam thinks about on the walk home is the exotic pretty boy? He's just curious, that's all. He's not attracted to him in the slightest. Or any other bloke for that matter. 

Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know if you enjoyed it:)
> 
> I am also still looking for a beta/Brit picker, so if anyone could help me out with that I'd be forever grateful.


	3. Baby Z and Payne

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where the boys try to convince Liam to do a show with them. And by do a show I mean turn him into a stripper.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is set a month or so after they all get fired from Dolly's.

Zayn is quick to think that Liam is a star in just about every sense of the word, bright and shining and somehow ethereal.

——

Liam is still the best bartender around (even if it is in a sketchy joint called Climax), and after everyone else clears out, they all sit on the floor against the bar to drink leftover bottles of wine together, and reminisce about the times like this they had at Dolly's. Louis makes himself comfortable in Liam’s lap –they ignore Harry's murderous glare directed at Liam – and announces that Liam just HAS to do a show with them. He immediately refuses, of course. 

"Aw, c'mon! It would be fun!" Zayn whines. 

"Yeah, you could be "Payne" and we could introduce you like 'here comes the Payne'." Louis titters. 

"No way. I won't do it! What if someone found out? Oh god, what if my mother found out? Or my sisters? Or Dani?" Liam worried. Zayn scooted closer to him, wrapping himself around Liam's side. He thinks that if Liam really is a star, he’s probably going to collapse in on himself if he keeps worrying like this – go surpernova, explode with a big bang. For some reason Zayn just can’t see Liam as being the supernova type. He's more the type to hold it all in, let it build up until it overwhelms and consumes him. Until he's drowning in his own thoughts. 

"Please? We'd have so much fun. I bet you'd pull loads of birds if you did it." Niall fluttered his eyelashes at Liam (a trick he'd picked up from Harry) and Zayn didn't understand the way his stomach twisted at the thought of Liam with a girl – with anyone else, really.

"No! Plus, you know I've been after Danielle for ages... I think I'd die if she ever heard about me even considering something like this."

Harry frowns. "But we've already picked out your stripper name! We didn't get to pick ours, you should be grateful. Really, you honestly think they'd have chosen Tommo The Tease, Baby Z, and Horny Horan?" Liam gives him a pointed look. 

"Alright, Lou probably would have chosen his the same, but still...you get my point." 

"Are we just not going to mention you, bartender turned stripper, 'Curly'?" 

Harry rolls his eyes. "All right, all right, so I got to pick mine...but only cause I'm damn sexy!"

Liam laughs. "And who told you that?"

"Why, only the magnificent Tommo The Tease, the stripper with standards higher than the moon," Harry says dramatically, throwing his hands out and nearly knocking over their drinks (four now empty pints and one soda water.) Louis glares at Harry across the table, but Harry only pouts back. "Oh, come on, Boo bear, you know you love me." And Louis can't deny it, because nobody can stay mad at Harry and his big green eyes for longer than two seconds. 

Zayn – and Liam and Niall, for that matter – want to yell at Louis for being so oblivious and not seeing that Harry is so, so in love with him and more importantly not loving Harry the way Harry loves him. And they would, they really would, except they've seen him with Eleanor, seen the way he looks at her, touches her, holds her...they know he's not pretending not to love Harry because he's having the classic 'I'm gay' freak out, or he's afraid of being judged. Louis is not the type to care either way, male/female - whatever, love is love to Louis. And his love just happens to genuinely belong to Eleanor (she's really a lovely girl.) None of them can find it in themselves to hate her because she really, truly loves Louis, and is completely oblivious that her boyfriend's best friend is in love with him.

Thankfully, Niall defuses the moment with one of his lame jokes, nearly unintelligible through his accent. Harry pulls away from Louis with a forlorn face that quickly vanishes as their waitress brings them another round of pints. 

——

Liam is their star, and Harry is a dark cloud hanging around his sun – Louis, the center of his world. And Niall? Niall is the sky holding them all together. Always there, day or night, rain or shine. He's always there when you needd him. Zayn wonders what he is in his own celestial metaphor. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't even know how but this somehow turned into angsty Larry feels. Oh, well. I'm just going to go cry in a corner now.


	4. Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A short but vital chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's so short, but I should be updating again tonight:)

/ \ italics { } bold

Zayn realizes he loves Liam over breakfast. They're eating bowls of Kix - Liam insists on buying the same cereals he's eaten since he was five - and he looks up at Liam with his sleepy eyes and bed head, and he just knows. He's in love with Liam, his /male best friend\\. And he doesn't freak out, because it's /Liam\ and he can't imagine ever loving anyone else. He guesses he's been staring too long when Liam looks at him oddly and says around a mouthful of cereal "What? Have I got something on my face?"

Zayn shakes his head. "No... I just...never mind." He shakes his head again and shovels another spoonful of cereal into his mouth. 

Zayn knows he loves Liam - that he's /in\ love with him - and he's okay with that, but he can't tell Liam that he loves him...it'll ruin /{everything.}\

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed, second update is in progress right now. Also, I apologize about the bold/italics issue, but I'm updating from my phone and it doesn't support it:(


	5. The Drawing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Zayn finally explodes and everything falls to pieces

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: this is where the wibbly wobbly timeline comes in!
> 
>  
> 
> http://www.tumblr.com/blog/thesemomentsao3 - I couldn't get the picture that this chapter is centered around to load, so here's a link to it on the tumblr page for this story.

"Why are you acting like this? You've been all weird for the past few months, and I just want to know why!"

"Why am I acting like this? You great git! You want to know why?" Zayn storms over to the great big desk they share and starts shuffling through notebooks, textbooks, and loose leaf papers until he finds what he's looking for. He holds up one of his many sketchbooks - Liam can't help but notice it's the one he got Zayn for Christmas - and flips through it and stops on a black and white drawing of an eye. He shoves it under Liam's nose, too close for him to properly see what the big deal is - it's just an eye, right?

"This, this is why I've been acting 'weird' " Liam takes the sketchbook from Zayn's hands, careful not to rip or crumple any pages. His eyes widen as he takes in the beautifully drawn image. Upon closer inspection, he can see that it's not an ordinary eye. There's a reflection of two people in it - a man and a woman dancing together on the London skyline - and a single tear pooled in the corner of the eye. It's only when he looks a bit closer that it all makes sense.

"Oh. Oh, oh my god."

"You understand now, don't you?"

"This is...they're Danielle and I, aren't they?" He motions to the tiny figures dancing in the reflection of the eye.

Zayn sighs angrily and runs his hands through his hair in defeat.

"Yeah. Yeah, it is. They are, I mean. I just...i love you, okay? I know this wasn't supposed to happen, but I can't help it, because you're perfect and amazing and you're always there and you're just...you. And that doesn't even make sense when I say it out loud, and I know you've got Danielle, and I know you're straight. And I'm not really quite sure what I expected to come from this, but I love you. I'm in love with you, even though I know it'll never end well, and I just...sorry. I'm sorry." 

He trails off, and Liam's left staring at him, lost for words.

"Sorry," he repeats. Zayn looks up at him for a moment, holding his stare, then rushes towards the door. Zayn snatches his jacket from the coat rack Liam insisted they needed but only he uses. Liam watches as Zayn shrugs it on and runs out the door of their flat. He leaves it open behind him, and the cold winter air blows in, but Liam doesn't feel it, not really.

He's too busy trying to process the fact that his best friend is in love with him. And he thinks he might maybe just love him back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So if this wasn't clear, there is a timeskip of about a year between the last chapter and this one. I can not for the life of me write in chronological order, so i finally decided to just write in oneshots instead of perpetually starting and giving up on stories.  
> Sorry if this confused anyone, and if you're still not clear on everything, feel free to let me know via comment:)


	6. Redamancy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liam puts everything back together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one immediately follows chapter five. It's a little angsty, but mostly fluffy.

Liam is panting and out of breath when he finally catches up to him. He grabs Zayn's wrist and turns him around. He tries to shove him off, startled, but when he realizes who it is he relaxes. Not much, but a little.

They stare at each other for a moment, both breathing hard from running. Their cheeks are red from the cold and exertion, and they're both wild eyed. Finally, he breaks the silence between them.

"I love you."

"No."

"No? What do you mean no?"

"No! No, no, no, no, no! Don't lie to me Liam! Don't tell me what you think I want to hear! You are with Danielle, and you love HER not me."

Liam's hands are threaded through his hair, pulling in frustration at Zayn's refusal to see the truth.

"But...I do...I love you. Why can't you see that?"

He claps his hand over his ears. "Stop lying to me!" He cries.

Liam pries Zayn's hands from his face, wrapping the older boy's frozen hands in his own and pulling him closer. 

"But I do, you dolt. I love the way you see the world for what it is and still manage not to be bitter. I love the way you work in your studio for hours, with the music as loud as it can go. I love your band T-shirts, the really obscure ones that most people have never heard of. I love how you claim you can't dance for shit but put everyone else to shame when you've had a few drinks. I love your laugh, and your smiles, and your early morning bed hair. I love the way you're more content when you stay home with a movie or a book then you are when we go clubbing. I love how you love me. I love everything about you."

Even though he's only just realizing these things as he's saying them, he's shocked Zayn didn't notice sooner. He's usually observant, almost annoyingly so at times. He watches the world through an artist's eyes, soaking in each and every detail and committing them to memory, so that he might create a masterpiece of them later.

Liam watches as Zayn realizes all the little details he's memorized about him.

"Oh," he breathes out, and his breath is as visible in the air between them as his realization of the truth. 

Except there's not much air left between them anymore, somehow. They're nearly pressed together, out on the cold streets of London.

"You...love...me?" He nods. "Me? How? Since when? Why?" His hazel eyes are wide with disbelief, tiny flecks of snow caught in his impossibly-long-for-a-bloke eyelashes. Liam steps closer, eliminating any space that might have remained between them.

"Since always. Because you're you. Because you're smart, funny,and dangerously good looking . Because you love art more than life itself, and you're possibly the nerdiest person I've ever met. Because you like coffee, not tea, but only when it's got about four cups of sugar. Because you call the cops when you're drunk to talk about your problems. I could go on for ages, but I think you get the point." Liam grins down at Zayn, and Zayn smiles shyly back up at him.

"What about Danielle?"

"I'll break up with her. Right now, if that's what you want."

"No, no. Don't do that just because of me. Just...make sure it's sooner rather than later, okay?"

Liam nods in agreement. "I'll go over to her place tonight then," he says earnestly. Zayn beams widely and leans into Liam. 

Liam wraps his arms around his... boyfriend? bestfriend? lover? He wraps his arms around his Zayn, and brushes their frozen noses together. "C'mon, let's get back inside. It's below freezing out here, in case you hadn't noticed," he teases.

"Oh really? The snow falling from the sky hadn't clued me in to that or anything," Zayn replies sarcastically. Liam nudges him with his hip, then tucks his hand into the back pocket of Zayn's jeans. Zayn does like wise, and together they make their way back home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed:) Double update today woohoo! I may also upload another chapter later, I'll see if I can finish the chapter I'm working on now in decent time. 
> 
> P.s. - Redamancy (the chapter title) means to love someone in return:)


	7. Meteor Shower

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liam decides that his best friend and his girlfriend need to bond. When he finds out Zayn's never seen a meteor shower, he decides it's the perfect opportunity... of course, things go awry, as they tend to do with anything involving Liam and Zayn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wibbly wobbly again, sorry guys. This ones set before Liam confronts Zayn and they finally, finally get together.
> 
> Oh, and / \ are italics. Mobile uploads have place serious limit upon my patience:/

"What do you mean you've never seen a meteor shower! They're incredible, oh my gosh, I have to take you to see one! You'll love it! Afterwards, you can paint it, oh, it'll be sooo cool!" Liam gushes. Zayn hesitates, and Liam is quick to convince him not to skip out on him. "Come on, it'll be so much fun! You, me, Danielle, the stars, and some hot chocolate. Oh, it can be an opportunity for my best friend and my girlfriend to bond! I'm brilliant, aren't I?"

Liam is so enthusiastic about the while thing that Zayn agrees to it just so he can see him smile. He decides the way his chest tightens at the mention of Liam's /girlfriend\ isn't as important as seeing Liam happy. 

~•~

Turns out Danielle has a big test the day after the shower and can't make it. Liam pretends he isn't disappointed, and Zayn pretends he isn't ecstatic. 

~•~

The night of the meteor shower is cold, so they borrow Niall's pick up truck, load the bed with just about every blanket they own, a large thermos of hot chocolate, a ladder (Zayn doesn't question this because its /Liam\\), and Zayn's Polaroid camera. They drive an hour out into the country - to get away from light pollution, Liam says. Zayn nods as if he knows what light pollution is. When Liam finally pulls onto a dirt road that ends in front of a barn (no, he's not kidding, Liam as taken them to an honest to god old timey big red barn) Zayn shoots him a questioning look. Liam shrugs. "I may and or may not have cousins who are country hicks and this may or may not be an old barn on the edge of said cousins' property," he says sheepishly.

Zayn can't hide his smile as they climb out of the truck's cab. Liam pulls the ladder from the pickup bed and unfolds it. Zayn watches as he leans it up against the side of the barn - and oh, that explains the need for a ladder. Liam comes back over to the truck and claps him on the shoulder. 

"Hope you're not afraid of heights mate," he grins. Zayn pushes aside the hurt that comes from the way Liam calls him 'mate' because he's here, alone, at night, with Liam, just so they can watch the sky rain stars. 

They swaddle themselves in blankets so they only have to carry up the thermos and the camera. Liam scrambles up the ladder with ease, while Zayn carefully ascends with nervous sweaty fingers. He might be a little tiny bit afraid of heights. When he reaches the top, Liam reaches a hand down to haul him over the edge of the roof. Zayn gladly accepts it, holding on perhaps a little bit longer than is necessary. Together, they spread out a few blankets, then wrap a few around themselves and hunker down with the hot chocolate. Liam glances at the light up display on his digital watch. 

"It should be starting any minute now," he whispers. Zayn wonders why darkness always seems to make people afraid to speak. Even as he wonders this he still barely makes a sound when he replies. They watch the skies in silence for a few minute until Liam shouts excitedly. "Look! Look over there Zayn! Did you see it? Oh my gosh! Did you get a picture?" Zayn looks over at him, and sure enough, Liam's pointing at the sky with childlike enthusiasm and wonder. He follows Liam's outstretched arm up to his finger, and then to the sky, and then he /does\ see it.

A streak of blue across the sky, and another in pink, and yet another in green. Liam's right, this /is\ amazing, and he can't wait until he can get his hands on a paintbrush. He can't help the nagging feeling that Liam will be the focus of every painting, and the indescribable night sky will be a background. That ought to say something right there, that he thinks Liam is better and more beautiful than a cosmic event. 

They lay side by side - much closer than Zayn would dare if Liam's girlfriend was there - until the night sky is still again, save the twinkling stars. When Zayn turns to look at Liam, he finds him fast asleep. Smiling to himself, he pulls the blankets up higher over the both of them and snuggles into Liam's side. He decides to allow himself this masochistic moment, knowing that in the morning everything will be as it always is. Liam will go back to his girlfriend, and Zayn will go back to his easel. 

~•~

Zayn wakes up first in the morning. It's still cold outside, and the icy wind doesn't help. He reaches across Liam for his camera, hoping he doesn't wake up. He wants to capture this moment, right here, before it's ruined. He angles the camera so that it just captures the rising sun behind Liam's sleeping form. The flash on the camera wakes Liam, just like he knew it would. "I wanted to get some pictures of the sunrise," he says, answering Liam's question before he can ask it. Liam smiles sleepily at him before sitting up and yawning. Zayn starts rolling up the blankets and tossing them off the roof and into the pickup bed. Liam mumbles something about a diner not far from here where they can get breakfast, and Zayn nods agreeably. They climb into the truck, Zayn behind the wheel this time. Liam falls asleep not ten minutes into the drive, and since Zayn doesn't know the way to the diner, he decides to just take them home. He watches Liam sleep, and thinks that if Louis is a sun, Harry is a storm cloud, Niall is the sky holding them all together and Liam is a bright star, then he must be a meteor, like the ones streaking through the sky tonight. Bright, colorful and bound to come crashing down to earth or fizzle out in the cold darkness of space.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's for reading! Any questions, opinions, etc. let me know:)


	8. I Should Ink My Skin With Your Name

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Zayn is a possessive boyfriend and Liam may and or may not have a thing for that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short plot bunny thy wouldn't leave me alone. 
> 
> Title comes from Ed Sheeran's song Wake Me Up

There's nothing Zayn likes better than knowing Liam is completely his and his alone. Liam knows this, knows his boyfriend loves seeing the dark purple love bites on his neck, the scratches on his back, and the finger shaped bruises on his biceps, hips, and thighs. He also knows that he likes belonging to Zayn. Which explains why he's /here\ doing /this\ for Zayn's birthday present instead of getting his boyfriend the trainers he's had his eye on. 

He has to admit, he's a little nervous doing something this permanent, but Zayn's reaction will be priceless. Liam watches the tattoo artist prep the needle and the ink, fingers tracing the magic marker outline stenciled on his skin. He can only imagine the look on Zayn's face when he sees it for the first time. He'll just have to be extra careful not to let his boyfriend see his chest until its healed. It's a good thing he thought of this before Zayn's birthday, otherwise birthday sex would be out of the question. 'No sweating while the inks fresh, it'll fade,' the tattoo guy had warned him. 

~•~

Liam smiles as he exits the tattoo parlor, thoroughly satisfied with his purchase. It hadn't hurt as bad as he thought it would, and the antiseptic cream really helps. He finds himself tracing the edge of the wrap over his shirt as he strolls down the street. He REALLY can't wait for Zayn's birthday. 

~•~

Finally, it's Zayn's birthday, but Liam's already told him he'd have to wait for his present. He had the feeling that if he'd showed his boyfriend his new tattoo this morning, they wouldn't have left their bed. Zayn has been whinging about it all afternoon, hanging all over him and begging Liam to tell him what his surprise is. Liam refuses to cave, even for Zayn's Bambi eyes and adorable pout. He's glad his chest is healed, otherwise the jig would be up. 

It's only after the "surprise" party - Harry can't keep secrets for shit - with all of their friends - Harry, Louis, Niall, Cher, Perrie, Nick, Andy, Eleanor (to Harry's great displeasure), Cara (Niall's current fling), Zayn's oldest sister, and a few others) that Liam allows Zayn to drag him back to their apartment. Liam pointedly ignores the suggestive winks thrown by a not so sober Harry and Nick. Zayn all but shoves him into a cab and practically sits on his lap the entire ten minute ride home. 

No sooner are they in the door than Zayn is slamming it and pushing Liam against it. He kisses Liam hungrily, attacking his mouth. Liam smiles to himself when Zayn starts tugging at his shirt and pulls it over his head. He waits for Zayn to notice. It takes about ten seconds, which is longer than Liam had guessed. 

"Happy birthday babe."

"Oh holy shit Liam, you didn't," he groans, and for a moment Liam is scared he's ruined everything by tattooing Zayn's name on is body. His worries vanish when Zayn reaches out a hand and reverently traces the letters. 

"D'ya like it?" Liam asks breathlessly. Zayn nods eagerly before recapturing his boyfriend's mouth, keeping one hand on the tattoo and the other in Liam's hair.   
He pulls away a few moments later. 

"I love it. But I thought this was MY birthday present, not yours." He grins wickedly. 

"It's for both of us, I guess. Just like the second part of your gift," Liam smirks as he wiggles his eyebrows suggestively.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is probably the most risqué thing I've ever written... *blushes and hides in the corner*...


	9. Of suns and clouds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zayn reflects on Harry's love for Louis, and how it is so similar to his love for Liam.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Le wild Larry angst strikes again!

The three of them notice. Harry pretends they don't. 

Louis notices. They all pretend he doesn't. 

The three of them see the way Louis looks at Harry, and the way Louis can't meet his gaze when he catches these looks. 

Zayn thinks that Harry believes Louis is the sun. And if Louis is Harry's sun, then Harry is a storm cloud, the kind that always seen to linger, even in the brightest of sunlight. Even though the sunlight is killing the storm cloud, it stays because it wants to feel the warmth of the sun's rays just like everyone else.

Zayn wonders sometimes - if Harry keeps loving Louis like he does, will he end up like the storm cloud that stays in the sun? A shadow, a shell of what he used to be, faded away, left clinging to the sun's light until it's too late to save him. He'll destroy himself, evaporate into nothingness, all for the sake of the sun...the sun doesn't shine on him, the sun that belongs to someone else. 

It's funny, how love can cloud judgement so badly that one would lay down their lives for the other, even if that other does not return their love. Zayn knows that Harry would die for Louis, and that h would do the same for Liam any day. 

It's sad, really, how they both fell for their unavailable best friends. At least in Harry's case he'd have a fighting chance if Lou and Eleanor ever broke up. Liam, on the other hand is completely and totally one hundred percent straight - and in love with Danielle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idek how Larry angst keeps slipping in here, but whatever.
> 
> also, fair warning: there will be a large time skip in the next few chapters....and a crapload of angst, fluff, and feels.
> 
> So...yeah. Hope you enjoyed and all that.


	10. Olivia and Michael

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ziam domesticity, fluff, and sadness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo here's the giant timeskip I mentioned in the notes of the last chapter. Liam and Zayn are married and 30 - 31 in this. Olivia is around 3 and Michael is about 7 months old.

They’re standing side by side in the nursery watching the sun rise when Liam finally gets the courage to bring him up for the first time in almost a year. He’s looking down at his son cradled in his husband’s arms, and he’s hit with memories of the first time they did this, so young and naïve. Believing in the goodness of the world and its people. Good things happen to good people, or so the saying goes. They know better now.

“I miss him, Zayn. I miss him so much it hurts. I know it’s a little ridiculous, because we never really go to know him or anything, but he was ours, you know?” It still physically pains him, three and a half years later, to talk about the little boy who made such an impact on their lives. He was with them for such a small time, shorter than it took for him to get to them, but he was real, small and perfect. And he was theirs. Now he’s gone.

“I know, babe. Believe me, I do. But it feels like we’ve got a second chance, a second hope in Oliva and Michael.” Zayn whispers quietly, rocking Michael gently when he shifts in his arms.

“I think Charlie’s part of the reason I was so overprotective with Olivia,” Liam says.

“Oh, whatever are you talking about?” Zayn murmurs sarcastically. “Could you be referring to your freaking out every time she so much as yawned? No, you weren’t overprotective at all.”

“Hey! I was a little worried about getting it right the second time, y’know?” Liam says defensively. 

“Shh, you’ll wake Michael!” Zayn whisper shouts. “And you know what happened with Charlie wasn’t your fault, or mine, or Doniyah’s. None of us could have prevented it, it was a freak accident.”

“I know,” Liam sighs as he wraps his arms around Zayn from behind. “I mean, I didn’t then, or for a long time after, but I’ve come to realize and accept that fact.” 

Zayn goes for a diversion, changing the subject as he’s learned is best with Liam in situations like this. “Do you remember when we brought Liv home?”

“Of course, how could I not? We went all crazy, buying everything pink and covered in hearts, butterflies, princesses…oh, and stitching or engraving her name into all her things. And you, with the outfit matching! You were so anal retentive about the bow in her hair matching her socks and her pacifier that if she lost a sock you’d change her whole outfit,” Liam laughs.

“Yeah, the boys certainly took the mick out of me for that. But at least I didn’t wake up my husband at half three in the morning because the baby coughed in her sleep,” he grins devilishly. “Speaking of, Michael was up all night with that cough again.”

“I think Liv’s coming down with something too, her nose has been running more than usual lately. I hope it’s nothing too serious. Michaels just finally gotten over the last bug,” Liam says wearily.

“I’ll call Dr. Gable and set up an appointment, just in case. We don’t want a repeat of last Halloween,” Zayn giggles - that giggle that Liam loves, and secretly thinks shouldn’t be able to come out of a grown man but still finds incredibly endearing.

 

They both smile, remembering the time they had both gotten so sick that Louis and Harry took Olivia for a few days while Niall looked after them. Of course, Olivia had gotten sick anyways, and then insisted on being allowed to go trick or treating anyways. Harry and Louis had caved at the first sign of her Bambi eyes, and by the end of the freezing night both men were sniffling and sneezing miserably. In the end, Niall had caught the flu from Zayn and Liam, so the six of them made their way to Niall’s house in what must have looked like a very strange parade of half-asleep people. They’d piled into Niall’s California king sized bed and watched every Disney movie on Netflix twice, only leaving to crawl to the bathroom or the kitchen.

That’s how Cara – Niall’s girlfriend at the time – had found them, one big pile of miserable sniffles. She’d come looking for Niall after not hearing from him for three days, and when she stood in the doorway of the bedroom, she’d laughed as she’d surveyed the empty cans, tissues, and takeout containers littering the floor. Then she made them all shower, gave Liv a bubble bath, and made them all chicken noodle soup. (This, among other things, is why Niall is marrying Cara in less than six months.)

 

Zayn shakes out of his reverie and slowly moves over to Michael’s crib and lowers him in. The infant stirs, rolls over, and begins snoring quietly. Zayn and Liam sigh in relief and tiptoe out of the room.They trudge into the living room, expecting at least an hour or two of sleep on the couch before Olivia is up and running around.  
To their surprise, she is sitting on the couch, singing along to Peppa Pig. When she catches sight of them, she leaps into Liam’s arms and shouts “Daddy! Baba! Beffast time!” She clambers across Liam and wraps her arms around Zayn’s neck like a little monkey. “Baba make pancackes?” She asks hopefully, turning her charm on immediately. Zayn of course, beams and nods as he carries her into the kitchen. 

“Try not to light them on fire this time, Z?” Liam calls after them.

“No promises Li!” Zayn yells back cheerfully. Olivia shrieks in delight as she nudges eggs off the counter and watches them shatter on the floor. Liam knows they’re in a heap of trouble in a few years with the way she’s got them wrapped around her little fingers, but he doesn’t mind. Not one bit.

This parenting thing isn't easy, in fact it's exhausting and grueling, but these moments, these moments right here - they're what every parent lives for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I WILL be explaining who Charlie is and what happened with him in the next chapter (which will be a sort of prequel to this chapter), so get ready for angst overload. 
> 
> If you have any questions about the timeline of this story feel free to leave them in a review OR come check out the tumblr I created for this fic here: http://www.tumblr.com/blog/thesemomentsao3. The blog also has the picture from the chapter The Drawing in it, since I couldn't get the link to work on this site.

**Author's Note:**

> Yes? No? Please let me know why you think:) also, I am still looking for a beta.


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